What’s with people asking “sorry, did anything happen to you?” if you voice your discomfort with rape jokes.

Seriously, how hard is it to understand some people just don’t like jokes like that. You don’t have to get raped to hate rape jokes, especially if you know how harmful¬†they are. You’re trivializing and normalizing one of the most, if not the most horrible and life-destroying crimes commonly committed against a large percentage of women, it’s upsetting whether or not you’ve experienced it before. “And even if the answer was yes, there’s a pretty good chance a woman wouldn’t acknowledge it because of the hostile environment they’ve created with their shitty fucking jokes. Can you only ask for people to act like decent human beings under the condition that it personally traumatizes you? Why does your potential personal history with sexual violence have to be brought to the surface over such a simple request?” *

Seriously, just stop.

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Found this awful piece of veiled victim blaming and slut shaming in an article about how to ‘prevent’ rape


My response:

Sorry, but that post is awful, it puts all the responsibility on the victim and has a lot of false and misleading information in it and does more to police what women do with their lives than prevent them from getting raped. Plus a lot of the ‘tips’ won’t work at all, or will even make things worse. This article gives a good (although not perfect) explanation as to why.

So after much typing and computer crashing, here’s how to really stop rape:




Don’t make rape jokes. Ever. Not regular rape jokes. Not prison rape jokes. Not animal rape jokes. Don’t even use ‘rape’ as a synonym for beating someone in a game. Triggering rape victims aside, trivializing rape like this will gave rapists the idea that what they did wasn’t so bad, that it’s not really a big deal, that it’s ok for him (or her, gotta put that in to prevent a whataboutthemenz derail) to do it again. It will make them (and people around her) think she deserved it, that she was stupid to do what she did before the rape.

-Don’t make sexist jokes (or racist, homophobic, ableist, transphobic jokes, but for their own reasons). It perpetuates the primitive idea that women are inferior to men and will make rapists feel less guilty about what they did or gives potential rapists the green light to do what they want to do because hey, it’s not like women are fully functional humans.

Don’t victim blame. It puts all the responsibility on the victim (and gives a bunch of bad safety ‘tips’ too, which can even make it worse) and none on the rapist. It will also make rape victims feel even worse, it will make them think it was their fault, that they should have been more careful, therefore making it less likely for them to report the rape. Which means the rapist is free to find a new victim or continue to abuse the first victim.

-Don’t act like all rapists are mask wearing men who swoop out of nowhere and drag a woman into their unmarked van. The majority of rapists are someone the victim knows and trusts, like a friend, neighbor, brother, boss, boyfriend etc.

-Don’t go and say something wasn’t ‘real rape.’ Any non-consensual sexual act on another human or animal is rape, it does not need to be penis in vagina sex to be rape either. If the person is unable to give enthusiastic, active, sober consent, it is rape. If you initiated a sexual act with a drunk person, or a minor, or a sleeping person, or someone that said ‘no’ 20 times before saying ‘fine yes, just stop begging’, or someone who, in any way, cannot say “yes I’m sober and aware, I’d like to have sex with you”, then congratulations, you are the scum of the earth!

-Don’t act like everyone knows exactly what rape is. A lot of people think rape is only forcible penetrative sex on a woman who was dressed conservatively and got dragged down a dark alley.

-Don’t use poorly thought out analogies to justify certain kinds of rape.

–Don’t compare getting raped while drunk to driving while drunk. Getting raped while drunk is not like actively making your own, uninfluenced (by other people) decision to get in a car and driving and getting into an accident. (That’s what the rapist is, if he happens to be drunk too at the time). It’s more like being a drunk pedestrian and then hit by a car (whether or not the driver is drunk), you are no less of a victim of getting hit by that driver while you are drunk walking than you are if you were sober. “Well if they both are drunk, then they raped each other!” No, they didn’t, whoever initiated it is the rapist.

–Don’t compare dressing scantily or drinking to going up to a bear with food in your pocket. A human is not a bear. A human has the capability to know that “hey, maybe this person doesn’t want to have sex with me, I should ask first,” a bear can’t think like that. A human has the ability to understand the potential consequences of his or her actions, a bear doesn’t. A human can think ‘hey if I do this I could potentially ruin this person’s life, and the lives of her/his friends and family, and potentially go to jail for it.’ All the bear is able to think when it sees you is either ‘it’s a threat’ or ‘it’s food.’ By using this bear analogy, you’re basically saying all men are as impulsive and primitive as a wild animal and absolutely can’t control themselves when they see too much skin or something. I’d like to think men are better than that.

-Don’t act like consent is implied. If someone had sex with you before, it does not mean you get a free card to do it again whenever you want. You must get consent each time. If it’s awkward to you to ask each time, then too bad, it’s better to be a little awkward than to be a rapist and ruin someone’s life.

Don’t prude shame people. If someone doesn’t want to have sex until marriage or till some time in the far future, or ever, then that’s their decision. Don’t make fun of them for that decision, don’t bully them into changing their minds. That is rape.

Don’t slut shame people. It doesn’t matter how many sexual partners the woman has had before or how many times she has slept with them, it is still rape if one of them does it without her consent and slut shaming makes it so much worse for the victim. It’s much harder to get the rapist locked up, and she has to deal with shaming and bullying by people around her. The people think “oh well she’s slept with 10 guys before, she made her body public property.”

-Don’t shame women for wearing skimpy clothing or dressing ‘suggestively.’ This is another form of slut shaming. Don’t tell her wearing clothing like that will make her more likely to get raped. A rapist doesn’t care what the woman is wearing, at all. Rape is about power, not sex, he’s not forcing himself on her because he’s horny from seeing a lot of skin, he’s doing it because he wan’t power over her. Her body is not public property if she chooses to show skin. She can run around completely naked and you are not allowed to even touch her without her permission. Her body is her property and you can only touch it if she says you can.

-Don’t act as if someone ‘owes’ you sex. Nobody owes you sex no matter how ‘nice’ you are to them or what you do for them. Don’t be a Nice Guy^TM . Don’t bully her or guilt her into having sex with you because you did so many ‘nice’ things for her, such as treat her like a human being. If she’s not interested, she’s not interested. Get over it.

-Don’t sexually harass people. Call out sexual harassment whenever you see it. Harassment culture is almost as bad as rape culture and helps contribute to it.

-Don’t get all mangry when you see a ‘don’t rape’ poster somewhere. It’s not calling all men rapists. A no littering sign isn’t calling everyone litterers. A ‘drive safely’ sign isn’t calling you an unsafe driver. Nobody gets mad when there’s a sign saying ‘security camera in use’ in a store. It’s saying ‘hey if you’re thinking of doing that, DON’T.’

Don’t police your daughter’s sexuality, while letting your son do whatever he wants. Don’t tell her not to get raped, while not telling him not to rape. Don’t say ‘boys will be boys’ if he does something cruel to anything when he’s little (or big).

-Don’t say things like “oh well there will always be bad people out there, we should teach proper safety tips to potential victims.” All the above points are why rape is so prevalent, not just because ‘bad people will be bad,’ and women aren’t careful enough. All of the above garbage tells them that what they are doing isn’t that bad, or bad at all.

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Hate me for what I am, not what you think I am

I don’t give a damn if someone hates me. As long as the hate me for a real reason and not made up BS or because some idiot took a joke seriously and can’t be convinced otherwise. They think they know me, but their assumptions couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s sad how people that are OLDER than me can behave so childishly and close-minded. It’s pathetic that they would rather believe some spoiled over-reactive brats than someone levelheaded about the subject and actually knows me.

It’s stupid of me to care about what they think but it irks me knowing they hate me but have no idea who I really am. But what annoys me the most is that they spread this BS to people who don’t know me and of course those people believe them. They have the bodies of adults but the mind of a bratty child that only believes the first thing they hear and nothing else.

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